What is life?

Who am I actually? I have been thinking a lot lately. What is my purpose in life? What am I actually like? How am I actually doing? What is my true self and how does she look like? I have been trying to figure myself out lately. I am still not exactly sure of what I want in life. There are apparently so many questions I dont have the answer to. I feel a bit lost and aimless. All sorts of things  are left to do in life but which road to take is the question. I want to find out who I am. What is my purpose. I have been trying to make a decision of life but I do not know where I am heading towards. Sometimes I wish decision making was not meant for me. What is my true nature? Am I a sad person? Do I love or hate life? Do I have fear of being judged? I am not exactly sure where I am heading but I know that I have a long road ahead waiting. What is my calling? I really have been struggling to take a straight direction on my life passage but I have to figure some things out. I go to clear my head out in the nature some times I guess. Will I become some one one day in my life? Will I ever be proud of myself? Will I ever live for myself? Will I ever find purpose in existence? Am I brave enough? Do I believe in myself? This list goes on and on and I can't figure this stuff out. I am sick of staying in bed and spending my life like this but I am not exactly doing anything to change it either. I long for a family, maybe a dog. But it seems I am destined to live this life in my lonesome. I need to live with myself. Day by day I am the only one I have. Since my husband died so I was left completely alone in this world and I have no idea what to do with or where to go next. I feel like I am trapped in this life and no one else left to blame is myself. For all the choices I have made and how I am still not off some where living on my own and being happy about life. I feel like I really needed to express myself Here since the only form to speak or to write is this damn tehing in my hands, my phone. I do not have anyone to talk to anymore. Nor do I have a reason to get out of bed every morning. I do not obviously need a reason, maybe to just live this live, day by day, hour by hour. I am a little bit confused and a little bit angry that I need to live like this now. I guess there is no way out of this life.