Just elaborating about things

 Lately trying to figure out what the hell am I doing with my life. Myself, and my life has been very different from what it is in this particular moment. I don't know how to keep on going forwards. I just end up lonely all the time and I have got so much time but I have no idea what to do with it. I am a bit worried and confused. Don't even know how to proceed. I have so few people to talk to, mostly I just stay quiet and don't even say anything to people. I am a quiet girl, like they say. I am not a movie star, I should not ne written about. I don't know why I am doing this blog thing, it is so pointless I think. I just write it for myself and after I read it sometimes. I just do it for myself. To clear my head and clear my thoughts. I just really feel pissed off today, don't know what kind of life I want and what should I do. I just eat all the time and watch stupid movies and think that everybody has their lives together, while I am struggling to keep it together and make ends meet or just live happily at all. I think organizing my clothes properly is happiness, but it isn't. Let me speak frankly, it is just a thing I do to pass some time. I have nothing to do almost all the time, no plans even. If someone asks me, if I have plans, I always say no. Because my life is just a shit. I guess no one even reads this blog, it is just a nobody who writes here on this stupid thing.

I am going to elaborate a little on dating apps now. Well I have a dating app, and it is a complete shit. I never meet a guy from that app and never will I think. It is just the most pointless app ever made. I am talking about tinder and badoo and bumble and that sort of shit. I will probably die alone.

I have been trying to find a job, but just nothing for me out there I guess. No one is waiting for you to go work for them. That's a fact. And no one is going to invite you even to a job interview. Oh my god, on what planet am I living on? Is it Mars? Where there is nothing left to find, so you just end up staying jobless and sad? What am I supposed to do now? I am not broke but I can't even find a decent job here. Like hello, where should I send my cv? I feel stupid enough already. Give me some slack. Or just give me a job. How hard can it be? It seems it is getting harder and harder to find a job these days. This isn't even the worst thing actually. I should be enjoying this time while I can be home and do anything I want. Or everything I have ever wanted to do in my life. It is an opportunity, really. And well, yes I feel thankful for it. Me, myself, and my life. It is just getting me tired and frustrated to look for a job with no results. Should I keep going or just quit the search? And focus this year on my well being and health and all the things I love to do. Maybe I have put myself out there, but no one noticed? It is not the end of the world, but why do I feel so lost. I feel like I have no direction in life. That is the worst. part. I should be living it up, but I feel empty and lost. This feeling is breaking me..